Gemini: Bear Traps Are Not For Sitting

You've always been handy with a bow saw, which is good news, as you've never been handy with a bear trap.

(Photo: mouton.rebelle)

Nesting: House Plants

We've been adding plants here and there. I went a little crazy with the wheatgrass, but it has since died. BOO. The iron cross clover is the house favorite. It just keeps growing.

Reading Rainbow: Omnivore’s Dilemma

“Whatever we may have liked about the era of cheap, oil-based food, it is drawing to a close. Even if we were willing to continue paying the environmental or public-health price, we’re not going to have the cheap energy (or the water) needed to keep the system going, much less expand production. But as is so often the case, a crisis provides opportunity for reform, and the current food crisis presents opportunities that must be seized.”

“…tear out five prime south-facing acres of the White House lawn and plant in their place an organic fruit and vegetable garden.”

- Michael Pollan, “Farmer in Chief,” The New York Times, October 12, 2008.

After Michael Pollan’s October article in The New York Times, I made a mental note to read his books, The Omnivore’s Dilemma and In Defense of Food. After his inspiring interview on Bill Moyer’s Journal, I put a star next to that mental note. Then, when the White House announced they were tearing up some of the South Lawn for a garden, I said, “DUDE! OK ALREADY. I WILL READ YOUR FREAKIN’ BOOK!”

Well, Mr. Pollan, I’m sorry I yelled at you. I read your book, and I liked it a lot. But now when I walk into the grocery store, I see row upon row of processed corn dripping poisonous pesticidal grime. In the produce aisles I see out of season vegetables drowning polar bears in the melting Arctic. And when I pass McDonald’s, I see the children of our nation’s founders wallowing in type 2 diabetes and their own adipose tissue.

Hyperbole aside, I appreciate Mr. Pollan’s even-handedness. While expounding the problems of industrial food practices (which are MANY), he also explores the contradictions of the industrial organic movement (Whole Foods), and the limitations of locally grown foods (e.g. I shouldn’t expect fresh tomatoes in January. BOO). He explains the challenges of eating ethically but provides the impetus for doing so through simple exploration of our current food system.

This is the most influential book I’ve read in a while, and I’m making some changes. 1) I’m growing basil, chives and tomatoes on our tiny balcony (a somewhat pathetic but well-intentioned token of self-sufficiency). 2) I’m cutting back on CAFO meat (SO happy to be dating a vegetarian – maybe it will finally rub off on me). And 3) I’ll try to rely more on the local farmer’s market for seasonal produce, eggs, dairy & grass-fed meats than the grocery store.

BONUS ROUND

4) I will fill our bathtub with soil and being growing squash, green beans, bananas and pineapple trees (joke – no such thing).
5) I will become an insufferable critic of the lunch choices of my boss and co-workers. (A BANANA, BOB! Do you know they have to ship that all the way…)
6) I will knock Big Macs out of the hands of tourists and replace them with homemade bread and leafy greens grown locally (not to exceed a stone’s throw away from the U.S. Capitol Building.)
7) I will send barrels of high fructose corn syrup and caged poultry to all 50 senators to help them visualize the tragedy that is the industrialized food system.

COME ON PEOPLE! I AM THE FOOD REVOLUTION (AND SO CAN YOU!)

Gluttony Primer: The Cake of Pompeii

After conquering the unicorn and rainbow cake, I moved onto volcanoes. It’s the natural progression, I swear.

There was a double birthday party, and a cake of Pompeii miraculously synchronized interests of both birthday boys: disaster response and ancient Rome (It’s important to have a diverse group of friends).

I made marshmallow fondant once again, but put cocoa in it. This turned it into more of fudge than a fondant, and it was incredibly uncooperative. SOOO uncooperative that even after a good beating (kneading) and spending hours in refrigerated time-out, its disposition had not changed whatsoever. I HATE YOU CHOCOLATE FONDANT. But somehow I persevered and managed to cover the chocolate and red velvet cake without any tearing.

Mandrew designed Pompeii and make some really rad trees. He graduated from college with a degree in the classics, don’t ya know. As a final touch, I bought some dry ice for the volcano.

NOTE TO SELF* Never listen to the dry ice vendor when he says you can keep that stuff in the freezer overnight. He is lying and should be run out of town. You’ll end up making another trip a few hours before the party to replace what has mysteriously vanished.

Gemini: Better Than Rilke

Critics will call your first poetry collection a "stirring work of utmost courage and beauty," which just goes to show how much mileage that man from Nantucket has.

(Photos: Old Sarge)

Nesting: Home Sweet Home

Mandrew went home for Easter this last week, which meant I had a lot of time to myself. I mostly did a lot of cleaning. Our apartment starts clean, gets progressively more and more cluttered, until I can't take it anymore and have to clean it or I WILL JUMP OFF THE BALCONY TO ESCAPE THE DIRTY DISHES! THE DIRTY FLOORS! THE DIRTY LAUNDRY! THE DIRT!!!

I am becoming my mother. The woman that grounded me when I would say, "Come on, Mom! My room doesn't smell THAT bad."

The apartment really feels like home now, and I've been wanting to put up some kind of "Home Sweet Home," or "Home is Where Your Heart Is" decoration to punctuate the sentiment. But since I can't needlepoint, I made the following:

Now I just need to find the right frame.

Update: 8 x 10, Kinko's color toner on watercolor paper (hat tip: Rebecca)

Reading Rainbow: Atheists and Foxholes

Last week I went binge buying on Amazon and ordered Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life, Great American Hypocrites and God is not Great. I’d seen the various authors give intelligent interviews, and I wanted to read more of what they had to say.

Don’t worry mom, I am not a vegan food terrorist, hubristic partisan hack, or atheist out to make everyone worship Darwin… at least not yet.

I had the books delivered to me at work, and our BYU intern brought one to my office. She’s always been pleasant, even though she knows I’m an ex-Mormon that’s “gone off the deep end.”

She handed me the package, and I said, “Yeah! One of my books arrived.”

“Oooh, what’d you get?” She said.

“Let’s see,” I replied, opening the package to find the book that mocked her religion and framed me as hostile to her and all other believers. WHY COULDN’T IT HAVE BEEN THE GARDENING BOOK! THE ONE ABOUT HOMEMAKING AND CANNING TOMATOES!

I blushed a severe shade of red and hesitated.

“Do you not want to share?” She said.

I didn’t want her to think I’d just purchased How to Enslave and Eat Innocent Children, so I pulled out the bright sunny cover of God is not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything, and laughed with obvious embarrassment.


Luckily this intern has a sense of humor/strong sense of civility and laughed so hard that my face returned to its natural color.